Friday, June 1, 2012
BENI -- Naselesele TRAGIC Casualty
At 11 years old, Beni killed himself.
What happened to the child with whom i fell in love? What happened in those seven years? How could a rosary-wearying, church-attending, family-surrounded child come to such a desperate state as to see no way out but to take himself out… WAY OUT – the way out of life… the way out to death.
Beni gave clues of his downward spiral, even to me. When sitting at the treehouse in the village, i asked him to write the numbers 1 – 100. He made mistakes… i thought he was just being careless. When i was the “banker” for the children’s money and Beni decided to also put his monies in aunty Merlin’s bank, i noticed that he had so much more money than the other four kids living in the household, so much that in one week, he had surpassed their combined total. i was told that the money came from selling beer bottles. i didn’t question again how he was able to bank so much money.
Beni hinted about his inner turmoil. He drew macabre pictures of coffins and bloody daggers stabbing bodiless heads. He scribbled in his notebooks incessantly instead of doing schoolwork.
In the village, i was told, there are no real orphans, for there is always a g’ma or aunty or uncle to take care of any child whose natural mother has left him or whose father is too busy doing his own thing. Everyone in the village is that child’s substitute mom or dad, for all are related to that child in one way or another. Everyone in the village was Beni’s family… no WAY was he an orphan. He was well cared for as he lived from one relative’s house to another.
Then why did Beni not go to someone – ANY one – for help, to get him out of his predicament? Why did he not go to GOD – his very present help in times of trouble – why did he believe that no one, not even GOD, could help him?
How did he learn to do those things which got him into trouble in school… those actions that he knew were bad, which would lead to severe punishment? Who showed him or told him that “it is easy to die”?
Beni’s tragic death tested and strengthened my faith in our utterly compassionate and all-mighty GOD. i wondered how GOD will cause all things – even Beni’s death -- to work together for good to those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose. But as in Jazmyn’s seemingly untimely death, i trust in an all-wise GOD, who is in total control of all things and all circumstances, who gives and takes away according to His sovereign will, whose will is perfect and good all the time – though we, mere human beings, may not like or understand His ways.
Even in Beni’s death, i continue to trust in GOD’s perfect love and perfect wisdom in allowing this tragedy. As Oswald Chambers aptly wrote: It matters not WHAT GOD does – it matters only WHO GOD is!
Please donate. ALL donations will benefit the Naselesele Village school children in Taveuni, Fiji. VINAKA VAKA LEVU!