When i first met Beni, he was only four years old. He was holding 3-year old
Miriama’s hand to help her down G’ma Tuvi’s steps. i knew then that he was a
kindhearted child – a gentle man in the making.
At 11 years old, Beni killed himself.
What happened to the child with whom i fell in love? What happened in those
seven years? How could a rosary-wearying, church-attending, family-surrounded
child come to such a desperate state as to see no way out but to take himself
out… WAY OUT – the way out of life… the way out to death.
Beni gave clues of his downward spiral, even to me. When sitting at the
treehouse in the village, i asked him to write the numbers 1 – 100. He made
mistakes… i thought he was just being careless. When i was the “banker” for the
children’s money and Beni decided to also put his monies in aunty Merlin’s bank,
i noticed that he had so much more money than the other four kids living in the
household, so much that in one week, he had surpassed their combined total. i
was told that the money came from selling beer bottles. i didn’t question again
how he was able to bank so much money.
Beni hinted about his inner turmoil. He drew macabre pictures of coffins and
bloody daggers stabbing body-less heads. He scribbled in his notebooks
incessantly instead of doing schoolwork.
In the village, i was told, there are no real orphans, for there is always a
g’ma or aunty or uncle to take care of any child whose natural mother has left
him or whose father is too busy doing his own thing. Everyone in the village is
that child’s substitute mom or dad, for all are related to that child in one way
or another. Everyone in the village was Beni’s family… no WAY was he an orphan.
He was well cared for as he lived from one relative’s house to another.
Then why did Beni not go to someone – ANY one – for help, to get him out of
his predicament? Why did he not go to GOD – his
very present HELP in times of
trouble – why did he believe that no one, not even GOD, could help him?
How did he learn to do those things which got him into trouble in school…
those actions that he knew were bad, which would lead to severe punishment? Who
showed him or told him that “it is easy to die”?
Beni’s tragic death tested and strengthened my faith in our utterly
compassionate and ALL-Mighty GOD. i wondered how
GOD will cause ALL things –
even Beni’s death --
to work together for good to those who love Him, to those
who are called according to His purpose. But as in Jazmyn’s seemingly untimely
death, i trust in an ALL-Wise GOD, who is in TOTAL CONTROL of ALL things and all
circumstances, who gives and takes away according to His sovereign will, whose
will is perfect and good all the time – though we, mere human beings, may not
like or understand His ways.
Even in Beni’s death, i continue to trust in GOD’s Perfect LOVE and Perfect
WISDOM in allowing this tragedy. As Oswald Chambers aptly wrote: It matters not
WHAT GOD does – it matters only WHO GOD is!\o/
